STOP BEING HARSH ON YOURSELF

If today, I ask you, what is that one thing in life
That one thing right now that you want
That you wish to have
Right at this moment
Be it a fancy car
Or better income
Or love etc
What would it be?
And how would you go about finding it?

We’re all humans here, fighting for survival
Giving up on something, to achieve something else
We’re always in search for something we lost on our way or something we aspire to have
But the question is, how do we get it?

“Hey! How are you? I’m fine”
This is what our day starts with and sadly, also ends with
But hold on a second, are you really fine? Are you really doing okay?
Are you happy with that failed marriage of yours? Or that job of yours? Or your salary? Or giving up on your dreams?
We often say we’re fine
And we’re okay
But the point is. Whom do we say that to?
The person in front of us?
Or ourselves?
We’ve somewhere taught ourselves how to give up on things
We’ve somewhere told ourselves that we’ll be fine without a few things in life
“My girlfriend won’t understand, it’s okay let it be”
“My boss won’t get it, it’s okay let it be”
We’re just trying to get used to this process of torturing ourselves

BREAKTHROUGH!!!!
Only when you know you’re fat, you hit the gym
Only when you know you’re lonely, you meet people
Understand what’s inside you
Who else will?
Find a solution
Don’t let yourself give up on things
Don’t let yourself suffer
You have all the solutions
Don’t swipe your internal snooze alarm and ignore what you need and what you desire
Work towards it!
Don’t teach yourself how to stay without something
Rather, prepare yourself to achieve everything that you’ve ever wanted
Human body has the ability to tell us what it needs right at that moment
Hungry? Needs food
Thirsty? Needs water
What about when you feel dissatisfied? That’s a signal too!
Don’t ignore it.
It isn’t the end of everything! It’s the need for you to explore, to live and to discover!
It’s important to feel uncomfortable
It’s important to get out of that comforter early in the morning and take out time for something you love
That is how your soul grows!

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LETTER TO THE HAPPY KID

Today when i see parts of myself falling apart and when i fail to find solutions to my problems, i wish i had the younger version of myself. That kid knew everything. She knew when to get away with silly mistakes, cute mischiefs, big blunders and also heartbreaks. Somewhere between losing her favorite chocolate to her brother then and missing sharing that chocolate with him today, that baby girl grew up. That kid has been through a lot but she always had her way out. I am sure she must be disappointed seeing this grown up version of herself giving up on things so easily. She was born a rebel and always molded things my way. Today, when I sit in the corner of my room and cry after a stupid fight or low grades or failed career plans, i am somewhere letting her down. She prepared me for so much right since my birth and i am letting go of all that she taught me because i feel I’m alone.
That support system, that backup, that mirror of mine is right here, right next to me.
What if even she has lost her innocent smile because of me?
What if she has grown up?
What if even she feels that being a KID wont work?
Who would i have other than her?
I need her. I need the younger me. Because that baby girl has all the answers.
Today, i want to tell the younger version of me…. Hold on tight! The best is yet to come.
You are going to see great things and be really proud of me. I promise.

LOSING TOUCH WITH OURSELVES

With the connectivity that this world has given us, we have somewhere lost the connectivity with ourselves. We are scared of getting bored or staying alone. However, we don’t realize how important it is to STAY ALONE than to be lonely.

Sometimes, it can be disturbing to introspect and to face our doubts, hopes and feelings but its surely better than unknowingly escaping them. In today’s world, when we have parts of ourselves involved in almost hundred different places simultaneously, it becomes extremely important to understand how solitude can work wonders for us to know ourselves. All the technologies that were meant to set us free eventually keep us away from ourselves. The noises of the world will never be able to silence the chaos within us, only solitude can.

Our anxiety, impatience and so much more that holds us back is somewhere related to our FEAR OF NOTHINGNESS. Just BEING and not DOING seems dangerous to us. When we get to surround ourselves with moments of solitude and stillness and moments just spent with ourselves, we get a better clarity of how we actually want things to be and not how they just are.

You need to hear yourself. Face yourself. Understand yourself. Help yourself. Because if you can’t, nobody can!!

Solitude may not be the solution to everything, but it can surely be a great start. You shouldn’t lose contact with yourself. Be in touch. This is one skill nobody will ever be able to teach you.

I WISH YOU COULD COME BACK FOR ONCE.

A house in the middle of a forest..no friends… no one to talk to.. nowhere to go.
A miserable school, an even miserable city and a life full of regrets
That is where I met her
That is when I told her how unhappy I was
That is when I found someone to vent out everything to
Amidst all the cribbing and regrets, I made memories
I found someone to fall back upon even after 10 years
I found someone with whom I could have late night conversations
Someone with whom that place didn’t seem boring anymore.
Someone who made it the best 3 years ever!
So this girl was not just lively but also added meaning to my life and everyone around. Her one smile made my day!
She brought out someone in me who now has the strength to face all the ups and downs
Wearing the same clothes, eating the same food, getting the same haircuts, late night walks, countless movies, unlimited confessions
That’s when I realised I had my everything in that one person
But we knew one day, we had to shift to different cities
I came to college, but we always made plans to meet up and rewind everything back to those days at the viewpoint and listening to old Hindi songs together.
After a few months, she found someone and she planned to settled down with him.
Her marriage was one hell of an occasion we were waiting for
We had planned everything..how I would be her bridesmaid and how we’d dress up and everything else.
We chose the gown for her cocktail party that night on chat and both of us just couldn’t wait to see each other on her day of wedding
And then
The next day, she disappeared
People say she died in a car accident but I don’t believe it
I still feel her around me at times
I still text her when I have a fight with my friends
I still call her when I mess up things
She hasn’t been replying to my texts and neither has she called me back
I hope she does that soon
Her last seen is still 29/12/17 03:48 AM.
I just want to tell you Suman Di, if you’re reading this, I really have a lot to talk about and I really need you. I don’t want to believe the fact that my messages will never get delivered to you.
We have your whole wedding to plan and there’s so much to do. Come back soon. There’s a lot of work and the bride needs to be here.
Remember we had a trip planned too? You can’t ditch me.
I’ll wait for your reply.
I love you Suman Mehra
I miss you

THAT ONE PERSON

Was this the first time that I went for a walk late at night with a guy?
Was this the first time I was on call all day with a guy?
Was this the first time I enjoyed all meals , just with that one special guy?
Was this the first time I didn’t have a count of the cups of coffee I had with that guy?
Certainly not. This wasn’t the first time.
Remember when that guy was my classmate?
When that guy was someone on a video call who never let me feel the distance between us?
When that guy came out from his college gate and smiled the moment he saw me?
If now, while reading all this there is someone I regret leaving behind, it’s the one who held me when I shifted to another city and left that classmate of mine behind.
It’s the one who kept me strong when the number of video calls started reducing.
It’s the one who put my broken pieces together everytime I crossed that college gate, and saw him.
That one person knew my inner child. The child who’d become happy on small things, cry on seeing failed relationships, and also commit mistakes because of my impulsive nature. This person is my strength, my shield, who can surely get me through anything and the one I can fall back upon. We often take such people for granted.

What if this one person leaves?
What if you break down someday and you don’t have this one person to reach out to?
This is for the one I lost while trying to get hold of others.
Thanks for teaching me so much about myself. No experience, no mistakes, no other person could’ve done this so perfectly. I hope ten years down the line, I make you proud of myself and I will undoubtedly owe it to you. I’m sorry for not keeping you close to myself when I should’ve actually treasured you.
I just wanted you to know, that unlike others, I just didn’t have you, I EARNED YOU.

THE FIVE YEAR OLD YOU

I am a 19 year old girl.

I still call my mother every time I fight with my friend and I still cry every time my parents scold me. I still feel, a part of me never grew up. And it never will.

As we grow up, our struggles in life get bigger. We have larger things to deal with, bigger problems to handle and breakdowns become a common part of life.

Today, I want to reach out to all those people who don’t seem to find a solution to their problems and are also losing hope.

When you were 1 year old, you had a habit of touching things thinking whatever would happen next will surely be amazing.

When you were 2 years old, you first learned to speak and used that ability to get things done.

When you were 3 years old, you went to a super market and yelled at your mom to buy you that favorite chocolate of yours. You didn’t care about what people around you thought or said at that point of time.

When you were 4 years old, you built your favorite Barbie house and you became your hero. That one house made you so proud.

When you were 5 years old, you fell off the bicycle while learning. You laughed at your injuries, got up and tried again.

When you were 6 years old, you began to understand how difficult it was to make friends at school. You started understanding how complex relationships are.

When you were 7 years old, you had your first crush. You talked to him or her once during the break and shared each other’s tiffins.

When you were 8 years old, you were told by your father to study well for the next exam and take academics seriously. You believed when he said that you’d fail in life if you didn’t pass the exam.

When you were 9 years old, you started believing that in order to look ‘COOL’, you need to have the right garments and accessories. So you insisted on buying that favorite tee of yours and that bracelet too.

When you were 10 years old, you got scared about the next level of school and started questioning your ability.

When you were 11 years old, you did’nt get selected for your favourite dance team and you promised yourself to work harder.

When you were 12 years old, you lied to your parents about the broken glass and your fight with your neighbor. You thought you will deal with it yourself.

When you were 13 years old, your favorite singer was the coolest person on earth. You wanted to be so much like him/ her.

When you were 14 years old, you doubted your ability to get into your dream college because everyone told you it’s important and a do or die situation.

When you were 15 years old, you realized that the world was unfair. You cried when he or she didn’t text you back. You cried because you thought your teacher and your parents didn’t understand you.

When you were 16 years old, you realized all the things you asked for in childhood are not so cheap. And that it wasn’t an easy job to earn money and fill your stomach.

When you were 17 years old, you wanted to be sure of the field you’d get in. You wanted your career to be sorted and things to be in place.

When you were 18 years old, you realized, that the choice was yours as to what kind of a life you wanted for yourself.

Look at yourself today. Struggling, tired, annoyed, irritated and looking for answers in books, songs and other people.

Now look at the 5 year old you. That kid has all the answers. That kid had the guts and the courage to fall, get up and get back even stronger.

In every phase of life, you had all the solutions to all your problems.

You knew everything about life at every point of time.

The way you navigated life when you were a child is exactly how you should be doing now.

You just have to forget everything you’ve learnt along the way until you get back to your five year old self.

Don’t lose hope. You’ve done all this before. A long time ago.

IT IS THE SAME FOR EVERYONE

Its amazing how all the lyrics, all the quotes and all the books someday, somehow make sense to us. It’s beautiful to see how someone can feel your pain, your happiness and write it so easily?

How does she know I’m feeling low about myself?

How does she know that he left me?

How does she know I got low grades or I had a bad day?

Its strange to see how someone out there knows exactly what’s in your head and can express it in a way even you can’t. You know what makes it so easy? The story.

The story that remains the same irrespective of who it is and where he or she is.

We’re all dealing with the same pain or the same happiness together.

We all have our ups and downs, our happy and sad moments, our successes and failures.

What makes it better is when we realise that we aren’t the only one.

That we aren’t dealing with all this alone and that we shall too get through it soon just like they did.

Nobody in this universe is blessed with just happiness or cursed with just sorrow. It has always been a balance and everybody has to pass through it whether we like it or not.

Just remember, you aren’t the only one. Maybe someone else has been less fortunate than you and that one day you’ll surely be fortunate enough than someone else.

It’s the same for everyone.