What you’re about to read now comes from a place of experience, ignorance and an intention to ensure it doesn’t happen again.
I hope you find it in yourself to understand these issues and gather the courage to identify them and pluck them out of your life.
Some things in life start as a joke. Then you tend to find them cute and ignore them. You ignore the red flags and walk past them because you think you won’t have to cross them again.
Well, that’s where the trouble begins.
It took me some time to realise that we can never find the “correct one”, we create it, together.
This is true in case of a job, relationship, companionship, anything that requires commitment.
It is easy to identify strong signs like a boss who abuses you, a partner who uses violence to control you, a friend who breaks your trust. But, we often fail to identify signs that are alarming but often not in the forefront.
You start disliking your boss when they disrespect you or take out personal grudges. But how often do you realise if the same boss tried to bring insecurities in you?
You won’t realise that. Why? Because you will see that as ‘negative motivation’ and work harder to prove yourself to him or her.
Isn’t this the case with relationships as well?
Not all signs leave bruises or scars, but are equally devastating.
One day you will ignore it, the other day you will laugh over it. And by the time you realise that it is toxic and traumatising, they have already got a license to put you through that again and again.
I was once told that “I am responsible for my insecurities. I am responsible for over-thinking, for feeling unworthy, jealous.”
And like many of you, I believed that.
I started thinking twice before sharing what was in my mind. I started questioning my thoughts.
Instead of focusing on why I am feeling a certain why, my focus was on what if the other person gets angry?
There is a very small difference between being considerate and being foolish.
I let someone stab my self-esteem. Once, twice, and many more times.
What was my job?
Stay quiet, control and don’t provoke.
When we let someone get condescending and authoritative, we have already lost the battle.
Someone in constant denial can bring you to your lowest.
Don’t linger for too long to identify these signs. If you think they are bothering you, showing some courage needs to be your first step.
Commitment requires a lot of you, but not all of you.